May 2020

Hello. This weekend I should have been in Scotland speaking at ‘FlushFest’ - a menopause festival run by Menopause Cafe. Due to Corona the event was cancelled. Instead Helen from the event interviewed me for their first Podcast. If you’re suffering please get in touch with them, they’re hugely supportive and run lots of community events via Zoom. I zoomed into one this week, it was lovely. Support is out there.

We are about to enter week 10 of lockdown. I’ve become a hermit! I’ve been saying to myself for a long time that I’d like to go on a silent retreat and although I live with four other family members and am interviewing every week, I feel like I’ve retreated from life, in a good way.

I am totally selfish with my time and I like it! I actually don’t want that fast paced life we had before. I dont want to go out into the world where we have to stand 2 meters from everyone. In fact when they said shops will open in a few weeks I recoiled at the thought. I’ll stay put ‘til it washes over thank you.

I’ve been interviewing lots. In fact todays conversation is with James. A student who should be enjoying the last few weeks of uni and graduating in the summer. Obviously that’s not happening and he’s back home with his mum and dad - have a read.

I don’t comment on the people I interview, that’s not part of the process. They volunteer to take part (anonymously, unless they say otherwise) It’s not for me to put my ten pennies worth into what’s going on in their lives. However, through their stories I hear many themes. I’m going to leave those gems for my book, (I can’t give everything away) but I can tell you, I smile every time I hear something that resonates with me. I know connection is an over used word but for me, life is all about connecting. It doesn’t really matter what subject we are discussing, there’s always something warming hearing a thought, an observation, a light bulb moment of clarity - for both of us and because I’m interviewing all different ages I can see how far along the path I’ve come.

Listening to the younger crowd: if only you could tell them all will be ok, but you can’t, they have to learn and experience life for themselves. In the same way when I listen to an 80 something reflect on how they’ve softened and learned not to sweat the small stuff, it show’s me hopefully, this is where I’m heading.

After we finish the interviews, the final question I ask everyone is: ‘What have you taken from this experience?’ I know you’ve seen some of these comments on my blog but I thought it was interesting when I grouped a few of their responses together, it’s very telling.

“You just need to sit down and have a chat sometimes, put technology away and talk about things. I think you’d have a lot more energy for other stuff and wouldn’t spend energy on lingering thoughts. If you take all the excess out of the ‘stuff’ you’re saying you can really hear yourself - there’s truth here. I’ve learnt so much. I feel very empty in a good way, it’s like a clear out all the inner rubbish. I think when you have in depth conversations you’re always gong to learn something. People are social creatures. People need connection. In fact it’s made me realise that my ideal life isn’t as far away as I think it is. We don’t talk often enough. We don’t chat about ourselves because it feels weird and it shouldn’t. I’m more worried about the outcome and not the process, I just realised that by talking about it. The thing I get from this is to spend more quiet time, less Netflix and to sit in silence - I think I might call it a revelation! It's good to get challenging questions, the ones that make you reflect a bit more. This process is about being understood. I can hear my own thoughts and opinions. I'm coming out of this with a sense of calm, a sense that everything in the world is ok for now. I cried a lot. It’s been good and I’m glad I did it. I like these sorts of conversations, getting to the nitty gritty of life. It’s hard to find men you can have these sorts of conversations with. It’s a bit like my blood pressure medication that opens up your blood vessels - it opens up everything. Ramipril for the soul!”.

How pertinent is that? We are living mentally, in turbulent times. I’m not sure what more can be said to encourage people to talk and listen to each other.

Silently retreating