Time’s running out

Fiona 54 married with two children. Works as a primary school teacher and  - had enough! 

How are you?

I am just becoming aware of feeling old! When your body starts falling apart it’s making me aware of the ageing process. My parents are falling apart; they’re old and shrinking - disappearing from the world. There is an end. What is the path to the end? I’m not in control of it and it’s scary. Time’s running out. Am I really using everyday as well as I should? Life’s a bit mundane at times - there’s not much to it. We are living normal, repetitive lives and I am coming to terms with that. I thought I’d have a bit more of a Wow-ee sort of life - it’s not going to change. 

I don’t have a big goal or dream that needs fulfilling, I’m sort of happy not having one. I focus on achieving mini goals rather than letting time pass. Putting up a new blind in the bedroom for example - it can make all the difference. 

I want to feel content with myself. I am very good at talking myself down. It isn't 'the doing' that makes you happy, that’s a distraction. I think I’m still searching. I don’t want to be like my parents. I realise 99% of the population don’t lead exciting lives. I am critical of others and I have a sense of how things should be. Perhaps I should be more aware of my judgemental nature!

What’s your views on body image?

I’m glad I’m not a young person anymore. I’m lucky to be a child of the 70s. It’s so oppressive being a young women now. They remove every hair follicle, plaque on the makeup - they're enslaved by it. It takes quite a strong person to keep all that at arms length. I’ve a balanced view of my own body. I’ve a sense of my own style.

How do you best express yourself?

I love music and I love dancing. Given the opportunity I would express myself through painting and with clay. I come from an arty family but I’m not one of them.