I would stand on my dads feet and he would dance with me

Jonathan 63, Architect. Bookshop owner. Novelist. Painter. Father to 9. 

How are you? 

My mental health is pretty good. I'm positive, slightly frustrated but that's just being in lock down. I find this whole Covid situation very interesting. We have to do things differently now. That is a positive outcome. We can't do things at the same pace we used to. 

I own a book shop and have been making bookshelves and display things. I can't remember when I was last bored. I find when you make something with your hands, you change your mind a lot. Being an architect you have to think it through.

How do you see yourself? 

I've never been uncomfortable with myself. 

How do you think other people see you?

It’s really difficult question. Are you self conscious? Not particularly. My auntie used to tell me I never finished anything. I probably lack a bit of patience to do things properly. I sometimes have to discipline myself, take a minute to slow down and do things more carefully. I was, and probably am, quite dyslexic. I find it difficult to reading out loud and being organised. My theory is if you ignore things for long enough they tend to disappear in the end (laughing). I have been accused of being slightly defensive!

What do you like about yourself?

I’m creative. I try to be nice to people. I like that I’ve managed to help a lot of kids grow up. I like my pastoral side. I like that I'm still healthy, positive and not ground down by life.

My dad was really interested in astronomy. We bought telescopes together. I think once you start looking at the stars and consider your place in the world and universe, it puts a lot of the smaller things into perspective. 

Top tip - If you cant afford a reasonable telescope buy a very good pair of binoculars. (I followed his advice, I now have a fine pair of binoculars) Where have you best seen stars so far? Yellowstone park in Wyoming. The Andromeda Nebula. It’s endlessly fascinating. Once you see the cloud bands on Jupiter and the rings of Saturn you’re hooked. What must Galileo have thought? 

What do you think about marriage? 

I was always scared of getting married. It worried me as a kid. My first partner with whom I was with for 26 years, wasn't into marriage so we never did it. I’d like to get married to my current partner but she wont have me (laughing).The thought of standing up in church, I would find very embarrassing. I'm quite the romantic. One of my favourite songs is ‘Soho Square’ by Kirsty Maccoll. Have you heard it? It’s a sad song. I arranged to meet my partner when we first met at that bench in Soho square. I do think we will get married when the time is right.

Where does all your energy go?

Chasing my tail a bit. I like cooking. I'm the main chef in the house. 

Last year we walked the Camino. I think it’s a very unusual thing to spend seven weeks doing one thing. I hadn’t taken that amount of time off since I was at school. It couldn't have happened at a better time or a worse time. Because it was in Covid we had to be more cautious - what would we do if one of us got Covid on our travels? 

You meet a lot of kindred spirits on the way. You feel like pilgrims together. There was something really interesting about doing the same thing every day. Getting up every morning, packing everything in your backpack and setting off. I’d do it again. I really like a journeying holiday. I’ve done Hadrians Wall and we once cycled from White Haven to Newcastle. I'm very energetic. I was an energetic kid. I’m easily distracted. I find it difficult to relax? 

What’s your most memorable experience?

When I was a kid I would stand on my dads feet and he would dance with me . 

Who or what inspires you?

Barack Obama. One particular thing he did when he was accompanying Joe Biden on the campaign trail, he picked up a basketball and threw it from about 8 yards and it went in the basket. Every time I hear him speak I think there’s hope in the world. 

I think one of my earliest influences was when I went to a David Bowie concert back in Liverpool, I must have been 14. That concert changed my attitude to life. It was a period in society where everything was a bit stale. You could hear all the words. It was beautiful, moving and totally different. We went home having witnessed something spectacular.

I  came to London when I was 18 to go to architectural college. I've not wanted to leave since. I think architecture is very vocational. It's a terrible thing to do if you're not cut out for it. Male architects are  very competitive. As an architectural student I grew up with people like Richard Rogers and Norman foster. I love buildings. Lots of modern architecture is supposedly about simplification and clean lines. There was a time before that, where people were trying to combine craftsmanship, architecture, and art all together. Macintosh definitely does that. I love going up to Glasgow and seeing Macintosh's work in the flesh. I also  like Arts and Craft. And Gaudi.

Another thing that inspires me is when I went on a tour to Zimbabwe in 2019 for the Harare Literary Festival. I was touring with five poets. They were so full of life and expectation. Maybe it comes from their storytelling culture but they had amazing vitality. It’s one thing being a student, writing about how miserable your life is in but when you're raging against a corrupt regime in Southern Africa, now that’s inspiring! 

What do you think about life? 

If your mental health is good enough life is something to be celebrated, enjoyed, and contributed to. We are very lucky to experience it. There’s so many chances where life might not have happened for us. You can often worry about what you're not doing, or could be, or should be doing but you only have your slice of the pie, it's about making the most of what you’ve got going for you.

I like Epicurus - the greek philosopher. He postulated the atom and quantum physics. He took time to enjoy nature. I like the whole thing about just being in the garden, observing and watching nature. We are quite special beings. We are the only the entities to make any sense of the universe and the capacity to try to understand it. I think that gives more value to life.

In the few brief decades of life, you get your own private universe and that’s very important. Before you were born that universe didn't exist. Then you arrive and you now know its exists. You take it on trust and evidence. It wont exists after you’re dead. At the same time everyone else is living their own private universes too. Take my mother in law for example, she is ridiculous in her Christianity, but that's her private universe. That's what she finds comforting. And as long as she doesn't hit me over the head with a hammer because of it, it doesn't matter. It’s real to her.

Try to understand that life is important and not to take it for granted. Part of not taking it for granted is trying to understand ones position in life. If you just lived your life in your village without thinking about anything other than the people and family within your village, you can have a fantastic life doing that, but you are sort of a little bit blinkered to everything else. There is a basic human desire to make sense of stuff.

When I got to 60 you realise it’s different from being 40 and you have a limited amount of time left. You start realising there's only a proportion of your remaining years when you're going to be able to enjoy life. I appreciate my time. I am more  discerning with my time. Don’t live life too quickly and do the things that really count.

I was listening to the Smiths - Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now. When he says, ‘In my life, why do I give valuable time, to people who don't care if I live or die’. It’s true. You spend so much time on people who don’t give a fuck about you, they just want you for what you can do for them. Architecture is like that. Particularly working with developers. You’re there to be used. I’m probably equally guilty of not caring about them either. 

How do you feel about death?

A friend of mine says when you think about people who have died they spring back to life. I like that idea. Part of your brain is dedicated to them; the vision and sound of them. Your memories are an embodied part of that person who still have the shadows of themselves on the planet because of our memories.

I think we've all thought a bit about death lately because of Covid. I’m not ready for it. My mother got totally depressed in her later life. She had a real death wish, to the point that when I heard she died I felt relief for her. She would have loved a one way ticket to Switzerland. She kept asking me to put a pillow over her head. It was terrible. I found that difficult to empathise. The indignity of growing old and not being independent really got to her. When my older years come I’ll try to grin and bear it and hopefully make the most of my life to the very end. 

What are you thoughts on faith? 

My partners family are very good at arguing and tell you you're stupid if you disagree with them. They think by praying about stuff that things change. They also have the arrogance to think that they’re favoured above other people because they believe in something which ‘absolutely’ exists in their mind and therefore one doesn’t have to question it. It’s so illogical. 

I like myths but they’re not true. My dad was a believer in ghosts. I don’t believe in the supernatural. I find it more interesting to try to think about the real mysteries of existence. Like consciousness. What makes us, us? What is  consciousness? What extraordinary thought processes are going on that make me exist as an entity? 

I had a fascinating experience once when walking in Wales. There was a stone circle, it was buzzing. Literally vibrating. Later I read in the New Scientists that there's a correlation between ultrasound from deep grinding rocks coming out of the surface and stone circles. Imagine if you lived in Wales, 2,000 years ago, there wouldn’t be much going on. Most of what you did would be connected with nature. There weren’t many distractions and not many people. So if you found a spot where the rocks were literally buzzing, you'd be very excited. There would be many unexplained mysteries going on. 

What have you taken from doing this?

I think you're very good because you worked through your questions as a conversation. You seamlessly segue from one question to another without it being a questionnaire. It's been a very nice and interesting conversation.