He was sent to prison not long after we met

Emily 33 from Ipswich. Married to her soul mate and has three children

How are you?

It’s all been a bit much recently. I have these little dips that usually last a week or so - I wake up with a dreadful anxious feeling - it’s like I’m waiting for something bad to happen. 

I feel I sometimes go backwards in order go forwards but saying that I’m learning not to get so angry and pissed off and I can let things go more easily these days. 

How do you feel about the weather?

Actually it rains far too much but I do love the rain. I'd like it if we had cleaner seasons. The sunshine does affect your moods.

What do you think about kids?

I'm really enjoying them right now. I've always had a toddler in my life since I was 6 years old. No more - I'm done. 

How do you feel about marriage?

It's lovely - I married my soulmate. 

What’s your view on body image?

I’d like to not give a shit but I am totally taken in by it all. I want to be thinner, toned and tanned. I want it for my husband. When I take my clothes off, I want a nice toned stomach.

What are your dreams?

Knowing that I can get back into bed for a bit once I've taken them to school. 

Where does all your energy go?

Into my kids. I run around like a lunatic. I am happy to give it away as long as I hold some back for me.

How do you see yourself?

I try really hard to be a kind person. I’m not honest enough. I say the things people want to hear. I’m not forthright.

How do you best express yourself?

I wear my heart on my face. 

I absolutely love fabric with a passion. I love touching it, feeling it, designing it: linens, cords, cottons; I love the lot.

What’s your view on faith?

(A big sigh) Sometimes it annoys me. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, I don’t look down on people for being religious so why do they look down on me? I don’t think there is a God up there. To me it’s about trying to understand the people around you, the world and our planet. The world gives us so much; there is something so much more than a tree, is just a tree. Do you know what I mean? There is so much more to the world spiritually, that people don’t see or want to see.

How do you feel about the daily chores?

I hate the school run, it cuts right into the middle of my day and I hate folding the washing.

What’s your most memorable experience?

When I was 18 most of my friends were away travelling doing the explorer bit. I was doing motherhood. I was happy with that. I didn’t have the travel bug. I’d moved to London, fell for this lad and got pregnant. When we got together, unbeknown to me, he was waiting sentencing. He was up for GBH and soon was sent to prison. I spent most of my pregnancy visiting him. He came out - tagged, just in time for the birth. 

We were together for nine years; we had another child and then moved away. But our relationship turned sour and he'd beat me. He psychologically and physically abused me. One time he came into the bedroom and kick me in the head. I was so afraid he would harm the baby. It was awful. Thankfully over time, I gained my confidence back and once he realised he couldn't control me anymore I didn't see him for dust.

What do you think about life? 

Life is about bonds and friendships. It’s learning to do your best and the right thing as you go along. It’s not always easy as practical. Sometimes it’s boring and shit and sometimes you go… aaarrgggghh!

Are you free?

I’m on the way to freedom, it’s where I want to be.