I take her situation in my stride, I can’t cure her

Stuart 53, Self Employed From Lancashire. Married with four children

BEFORE WE START - HOW’S LIFE IN THE TIME OF CORONA FOR YOU?

It's one of them things isnt it? Unless it’s affecting you. You just have to suck it and see. Everybody's at risk because everybody's got to go to the supermarket. It's getting more serious now. Last week I rarely saw anybody wearing gloves and mask. People were just keeping their distance. Now I'm seeing a lot more people wearing masks. If I go shopping I put gloves on. There’s a lot of precautions in place but all you can really do is stay at home and have as little contact with people as you can.

I think the media is really hyping it up. It’s all death, death, death. It insights panic. Every year there's about 3 or 4,000 people die from normal flu. It puts it in perspective. I think it’s frightening there's no vaccine yet. It’s all right relaxing the restrictions but it only takes two or three people to become infected and boom, it's back up again. It’s frightening but there's nothing we can do about it. 

How are you?

I'm pretty good, everything’s plodding on. My works picking up, well it was until Corona kicked off. I like where I am at the moment. Everything is as good as it can be. I’ve got what I want at this point my life. 

I enjoy my work. I do company clearances, liquidations etc and sell all the stuff through auctions. I love rooting around. I bought my first house when I was 19 and I’m on my third property now. I never entertained the idea of working in an office. I’ve always done different things with my life. I am very hands on. 

My great granddad was the first to settle down, he came from travelling stock. There’s something of him in my blood. I love the idea of jumping in the camper van and setting off. I am a bit of a free spirit at heart. I love to travel and go places. 

What do you think about marriage?

It’s a good thing. I’ve been married twice. The first time I was 28. We went off to Gretna Green. Marriage is one of those things you do because everyone does it. Going to Gretna made it a bit more special. We were married for 10 years.

The second time I got married was 9 years ago in a registry office in Bangkok. I think marriage is a good thing. It’s easy to walk away but if you’re married it’s cemented. It brings everything together but if this marriage goes wrong I won’t do it again! 

What do you think about children?

I have 4 kids (girls). I always wanted children. I hope I’m good with my kids. It never entered my mind that I wouldn’t have kids. Family is an important part of my life. I like the idea that when I die, the funeral will be full of family. I’ve always wanted a big family.

Where does all your energy go?

Most of it is looking after my kids. One of my children is autistic. She has respite carers that look after her, but not at the minute with this pandemic. She is 18 but her mentality is much younger. It can be exhausting. Sometimes I lose my patience. I have a lot to sort out at the moment as she’s going from kids services to adult services. I hope she can go into assisted living in the future. I think it will be good for her. I take her situation in my stride, I can’t cure her. 

What are your dreams?

The only real dream that’s doable is to pay off the mortgage and build a house near the beach in Thailand. To open the doors and look at the ocean. I’d like to retire there. I wouldn’t be able to live there full time because of the responsibility to my daughter but that would be my dream. I could have a static caravan based here for when I come back. 

Who or what inspires you?

My daughter is my inspiration. She has a lot to cope with. In her world she just looks at life as one massive free journey. She has no worries or responsibilities. It makes me think how she looks at life and the way we look at life. She is a free spirit. She’s really funny. She reminds me not to take life too seriously. My kids are my rocks. 

What do you think about the weather?

The weather doesn't bother me. The sun makes me feel better. I love the feeling of being in a camper van or tent and it’s pouring down outside - it’s earthy.
Are you quite the romantic? Probably - I’ve been known to write the odd poem or two. (laughing)

What do you think about life?

I could go on for hours about all the petty stuff but as you get older, it doesn’t matter. We are put on earth to learn. To learn about our emotions, to try new things, to get as much knowledge as we can to take with us to wherever we go next. Life is like one big school room. It’s a big learning experience. 

What do you think about death? 

I'm not scared like I used to be. As I get older I think more about it. You can't avoid it, it’s coming. The only thing that scares me is how I die. My uncle died at a funeral. He said he didn’t feel good and just dropped dead. That’s the way to go. It hit me when my dad died. I carried his body down the stairs in a body bag with my brothers. I’m someone who has to see the body, for me that’s part of the process. He was the first close family member to die and it knocked me for six. I ended up on anti depressants. 

A few years later my mum developed a form of leukaemia. She went on a drugs trial, she wasn’t sure if she should or not but in the end she started the trial. Within a month or two she started to fade away. I asked her if she was scared. She wasn’t, she just wanted to be with my dad. Death is final, it's not something you have any control over. 

What brings you down?

Worrying about things. I worry about what will happen to my daughter and her care when I’m gone. I hope her sisters and family will look after her. Not a lot of things get me down; the financial side of life I suppose. I’m a half full person. I try to see the better side of things. I get aggravated by the media and things you can’t control. 

What are your views on faith?

Faith is about having faith in your own ability. You have to have faith in something. No one knows what’s after this life. I have more hope than faith. 

What would you like to leave for the next generation?

I hate big companies who have monopolies on everything. It’s all about making money for their share holders. I’d like to see big corporates open to the ideas of ordinary people and invest in them too. There’s too much red tape. I think it’s big companies that hold people back. I have a lot more respect for people that get out and do things rather than sitting behind a desk, criticizing. I'd like people to learn from mistakes. 

What do you think about doing this project?

I think it’s a really good idea. I like the concept. It’s not intrusive. It’s a snippet out of everybody's life that appeals to me. I like to read about people but I couldn’t read a full book about one person. I’m interested in hearing about men of all ages. Do men in their 20s for example, still thinking about clubbing and sex like I did or is it all about university and feelings these days?