There’s an app I have that helps you express your emotions

Tommy 31. From Australia. Physical performance coach, tennis Australia

Before we start tell me how Corona is impacting you? 

I was in America when it first happened. I didn't think it was going to be such a big deal. Initially I thought it was something like a diversion, the Chinese hiding behind everything that was going on in Hong Kong. I didn’t think it was serious. I was more worried that I didn't want to get stuck in America. When I eventually made it home, work made me self isolate for two weeks. I wasn't allowed to go in, or see anyone. It was ok as I can do my job remotely.

I was going to be away for seven months of this year but now I’m back home and  living with my partner and a flat mate we are in each others pockets and have been for the last eight weeks or so. I’ve gone from being on the other side of the world to being in the same room as two women every single hour of the day! 

The hardest part of lockdown was seeing my partner struggle. She started her new job just before we went into lockdown. Her hours were significantly cut, then mine got cut too. I'm still working three and a half days a week and getting paid for that. It’s hard financially.

Initially everything was shut down. The police patrolled the streets.  If you were out you be ID’ed and asked where you're going. If you were with someone else they had to be from your household. We’ve found ways to keep busy and are lucky being able to go outside and not being stuck in the house the whole time like the Italians. 

How are you? 

I'm excited in a time that's probably not exciting for many. We are supposed to be getting married at the end of the year. We are trying to plan a wedding. We have grand plans but will probably have to scale back a bit. I’m a little frustrated living with the limitations on normal life but realise I’m lucky compared to a lot of people.

How do you see yourself? 

I'm always trying to be better. I don't get too complacent with where I'm at. I want to keep achieving. I went back to study and started a PhD to keep improving myself. It was a real struggle to juggle coaching with academia. After a massive tussle I parked the PhD and focused entirely on my coaching. Luckily that's worked out because I got my dream job. Initially I took a 100% pay cut to get an internship to do a job in strength and conditioning, an industry that’s so cutthroat.There's a hundred thousand graduates looking for roles like mine so I consider myself pretty lucky. 

Even though I’ve just started this role I’m kind of thinking about what's next. How can I get better? I’m super competitive. I think it might be the product living with my old man and growing up with three boys in the house. We were always competing. It’s been instilled in me. I even compete in yoga. I just can't help it. 

Did you always want to work in sports? 

No. I was always going to be a builder. My dad is a builder by trade, a carpenter and cabinet maker. He took over the business from his dad and then he had three boys but none of us have taken over the business. He sold it. He never said anything but I'm sure he would have loved one of us to take it over and make it a third generation. But saying that he's very supportive in what we do and what makes us happy. He'll support ’til the  cows come home. 

Weird question but it’s becoming a bit of a theme - do you like wood? 

No, not really I just enjoyed doing what my dad was doing when I was younger. I like to fix things. If things are broken around the house I can do it myself. If we get something from IKEA, I'll be the one to put it together. I enjoy it. If I start a project I'll see it through to the end. I'm very by the book.  During lockdown we've been doing lots of cooking, I follow the recipe to a T. I won't deviate. I like patterns. I prefer a plan but I can deviate if need be. 

What do you think about marriage? 

I travelled to Sydney for work and that's when I went on Tinder and matched with my now finance. We spoke for six months on and off before we actually met. I always thought I would get married. I knew I wanted to. Hopefully we will get married at the end of the year. I’m excited about it.

My parents have been together since they were teenagers. I don’t know too many details about the full extent of their relationship but they’ve pretty much been together since the start of high school. I think I’ve seen a rare side of marriage. I've seen plenty of other families that end in divorce. And in tennis coaches, especially. They travel so much, many marriages break down. I am conscious of that. 

What do think about children? 

I'm really looking forward to having them. I am mindful that I don't want to be doing what I'm doing now and miss my kids childhood. So I’m always trying to think about what the next job is so I can a be around for my kids as opposed to spending a year on the road. I want to be able to provide unequivocally for my family.

Where does all your energy go? 

My work probably trumps anything whether that’s right or wrong. It’s a highly stressful environment. I’m working with multimillion dollar athletes and if something happens to them they generally come to the strength conditioning coaches. If they’re not fit enough it's your fault. It’s a stress, especially because these guys are the highest profile athletes in the country and the world. It's nonstop because you're looking after the players. It can be very draining. 

After a tour I come home and I’m exhausted. The job demands it. I can be so angry and stress sometimes. I need to get things off my chest and I struggle with that. I'm generally a pretty poor communicator. I don't share my emotions. I'm trying to get better at it. There’s an app I have that helps you express your emotion

Who or what inspires you?

I am a boy from a small town where nothing ever happens. You don't get too many high achievers from my town. Yet both me and my brother work with some of the best athletes in the world. I'm aiming high.

I've got to provide. I was not sure what's behind it but that's how I feel and what I want.My Dad was the major breadwinner. Mum was always a ‘stay at home mum’ and later she went back to work as a teacher's aid. When I was 12 or 13 she had a stroke. She must have only been in her mid thirties. I was sitting in the kitchen table doing my homework when my little brother came out of his room saying mum was talking funny. She was lying on the ground, slurring her words. I called the ambulance then my dad. Ever since then my dad does everything, he never lets her do anything. Maybe that’s where it comes from? 

What do you think about life, what are we doing here?

I'll be honest with you, I’m not one to ponder too deeply into that. I've never sat back and thought, what are we doing here? What's going to happen? It's never really been a thought that’s come into my head.

How do you feel about death?

I’ve never worried about it or thought about it until  the other day. We were watching tv, something came on. This rush of blood went to my head and my thoughts all of a sudden were, what is going to happen when I die"? My heart shot up to 180 beats, it was a horrid feeling. I forgot about it until you asked me this question. I can't foresee death being an issue or something I'll keep pondering over because it's out of my control, unless I walk out in front of a train. I can't control it so I won’t let it worry me too much.

My dads best mate died. I remember when I got the call.  I came home. I’d never seen my dad cry before. 

What brings you down?

Failing. That was the hardest thing for me was when I decided not to continue with my PhD. I was doing it to get better at my job and to keep growing. It was hard saying I needed a break. I normally see things through to the end but I knew I just couldn’t manage it. I bit off more than I could chew. I tried to do it as my full time job.That brought me down.

What would you like to leave for the next generation?

I'd like there to be less mobile phone use and social media influence. I have these things  but I don't spend hours on them. I don’t see how beneficial it is at all. I actually can't see a single benefit outside of it telling me when my friend's birthdays are. I'd love to take it all away to make kids  realize there's more to to life and being in tied to your phone. I wasn't allowed to phone until I was 18. I'd much rather be outside exploring the world. Sometimes you realize how much your phone has taken over your life when you lose it. 

I've been working on ways to further engage kids in physical activity. It's a passion of mine. I’ve created a program with a colleague to enhance movement skills and physical literacy. I want to engage and develop kids to be active and have skills for life.

How would you best express yourself?

The way I communicate is through humour. Emotion is nearly nonexistent. Whether I'm feeling down or ecstatic, I crack jokes to lighten the mood. For the most part I don't share how I'm feeling. I'd love to be able to but growing up we didn't show emotion. We didn’t cry. And if you did, the old man, he'd be like - ‘Don’t be pussy’, that’s just the way it was. The older I get I realise it’s actually okay and it's good for you to share your emotions. 

What have you taken from doing this today?

I like what you're doing. It’s got me thinking about my life. You’ve definitely asked me questions no one else has ever asked me before. I think everyone goes through some shit. If people can get some sort of understanding about that it can help them on their journey. I think it's a great idea. I am looking forward to reading the final product.