I dont want the whole conversation to be about COVID but it's been frustrating
Andy 31. From Lancashire. Teacher. Head of PE & Performing Arts. Lives with his partner & child.
How are you?
It’s been a hard time recently. We had a baby, then four months later we went into lockdown. We were both off work with our new baby but weren’t allowed to see anyone. It was 7 days a week, full on with nowhere to go. It sent us a bit crazy. During the summer places still weren't open. We’d take the baby out for an hour but still had the other 23 hours to get through. A couple of months later my partner got seriously ill, she developed a life threatening illness. Thankfully she’s ok but it was touch and go for a while. Then I got Covid. It’s been rubbish if I’m honest.
I don't want the whole conversation to be about COVID but it's been frustrating. Have you learned anything about yourself? I've learned I can't operate without any sort of freedom and I need a level of control in my life. I need the freedom to do what I want to do and I need to be in control of what I'm doing.
I miss not being able to go to the pub on a Friday night with my friends. And homeschooling as a teacher is frustrating. I used to drive in to school and listen to a podcast on the way in, that was my switch off time. I don’t have that now. I'm a bit of a dinosaur. I don't have a PlayStation, X-Box or anything like that. My happiness comes by being out, playing football and golf and we can’t do that just now. I’m old school. On a positive, we are hopefully getting married in the summer - fingers crossed!
Tell me more about your job. I love my job, it’s rewarding. It’s tough but I get pleasure every single day giving kids opportunities that I know they wouldn't have otherwise. I feel strongly about the wealth divides in the world. The fact that some people are born in a postcode that’s going to give them a shit life is something I never understood. The divide just wasn't on my radar until I joined the school I’m at. It’s a deprived school. I took the job out of desperation. I've find it stressful and difficult at times. There are times when I’m pissed off. It’s challenging. There's a time limit to this job. I’m tired and ready for a break. I’ve found Covid difficult, especially with the demands of a new baby and the increasing pressure with my job.
How do you see yourself?
I've always been ambitious for my own life. I bought my own house when I was just 22. I've always wanted to make sure I had the option to go to nice restaurants and bars. I like nice holidays and driving a nice car too. Now I have a partner and a baby, it's the first time in my life I have proper responsibilities. I find responsibilities suffocating. I like my freedom. I find having time constraints hard. I got a promotion which is great but then all of a sudden I’m the boss who has to lead meetings. I can’t turn up with a hangover anymore. If I’m not prepared - I’m fucked. What I'm trying to say is; in your early twenties you can be ambitious. You can push, push, push for a bigger car, better house, nicer clothes then you get to a point when you move up in your job, your relationship becomes serious and you have a baby then all your freedoms are taken away. I think a lot of men find that transition hard. If you said - do you want to go back to being 25? In a heart beat, but only for a month!
How do you think other people see you?
In the past people might have seen me as someone who finds things easy and everything falls into my lap. On the face of it I appear to be the picture book, family man. But recently my friends have seen the struggle we’ve had. We've gone through a very difficult time. I’m quite a proud person. I’m not suppressed in my emotions but I’m a bit old fashioned, I hold things back a bit. The normal release would be to play football or golf but because of Covid I cant do that. I think people have seen the human side of me.
What do you think about marriage?
I’m not a romantic. Marriage is one of those things you do but you don't really know why. I think it means more to most women than it does to men. I want to get married because when you're married it somehow seems ‘right’. Getting married is a bit of a tick list for me. My partner is my first girlfriend. Marriage I guess is a display to everyone else that you're committed to that one person but it's not what other people think that matters, it’s about me and my partner.
What do you think about children?
We are at the age when all our friends are having kids. We all say the same things. Everyone pretends it’s nice all the time but it’s not. There’s a large proportion that isn’t actually fun a a small percentage that is. The rest of the time it’s shite. It’s starting to get a little bit easier. Most thing are temporary but having children is permanent. Children are one of the things I care about in life. Ever since I was young I've always loved being around them. I enjoy them as part of my job and my family life. They’re hard work.I want to be fiercely ambitious for my children, pushing them to be the best they can be. One of the things I’ve learned is, yes be ambitious but let them be what they want to be.
Where does all your energy go?
I work hard at my job and I work hard for my family. I have a lot of energy. I’ll be sat down staring at the wall, within five minutes I’m like - right, what we doing? I'm not willing to sit and watch telly all day, it doesn't challenge me. I can't relax. I'm always onto the next thing, then the next.
What are you dreams?
Selling bananas on a beach. Living hand to mouth. Having a chilled, easy life. I've always said that. I think I'm quite a complex person in that I need a lot of structure and routine but I also like freedom and hate being constrained.
What do you think about life?
Genuinely I have no idea. I studied philosophy at A level. I find it interesting. My conclusions are: I’ve absolutely no idea and no one else has either. That’s the best answer I can give. People believe their own shit, ‘We are here to love’. How do you know? No one knows!
What do yo think about death?
I’m frightened of death. I think my dad being ill - he had bowel cancer, was the first time life has slapped me in the face and shown me that nothing is forever. Your parents aren't forever, your partner isn’t forever. It’s my biggest fear in life - losing people.
I’m not scared about what happens after death. I’m really scared of going through pain. There’s no real good way to go is there? I’m quite a factual person - I would hate to drown, I wouldn’t want a heart attack, I don’t want to die in a car crash. I'm scared of it, of the pain. I'm frightened stiff of losing my loved ones. I'm only 31 and I nearly lost my dad a few years ago, and more recently my partner had a life threatening illness. Those times have instilled a bit of fear in me.
What would you like to leave for the next generation?
Address the wealth and the disparity between the rich and the poor. It’s a genuine tragedy, a disgrace that there are humans that have trillions and humans with no water to drink. Their experience of life is literally worlds apart even though we all live on the same planet. In my job I see kids growing up in the poverty cycle. It's not as simple as people think. People who have been brought up in comfort come out with comments like; why are we giving free school meals? Is it not that parent's job to feed them? I bet they've got money for fags and booze! It's not a five-year-old fault that their parents choose to spend their money on cigarettes and alcohol. People don't understand it’s very difficult to get out of those cycles. You become a product of people you're surrounded by.
How do you best express yourself?
I like doing house interiors and am interested in clothes. I have quite a creative mind. I'd say I’m masculine with a lot of feminine traits. If I had the talent and ability I’d be a musician. A lead singer of a massive band, maybe the Kings of Leon. I am really into music.Whatever mood I'm in I’ll listen to music as my form of therapy.
What do you think about doing this?
It’s been good. I’ve reaffirmed I need to relax a little and give myself the freedom and time to do things that make me happy.
The art of conversation has gone now we are living in a digital world. I don’t think people make time to see people in person anymore. I have a WhatsApp group with my friends. I talk to them more on that than I do in person. There's something about having a conversation that sparks ideas and makes you see things differently. There’s a reason we have traditions. Take Sunday dinner for example, something that’s a bit sacred. An hour away from the telly. Conversations at the table. It’s something that’s regular and keeps you sane. What makes you happy isn’t the big achievements, it’s the little things in life - isn’t it?