I have a black majority mindset

Victor 40. From Barbados. Musician, film maker. Storyteller. Dad. 

How are you? 

I’m tired. I feel a bit disenfranchise at the moment; COVID, Brexit, there’s a lot of political stuff happening. I try not to tune into the news too much. I’m feeling a bit uncertain. Last year my work was completely destroyed because of Corona. Everything got cancelled. I have dreams and aspirations, things I want to achieve. I’m 40, it’s a funny age, you could easily get into a midlife crisis. I want to get things done but we live in a capitalist world and it’s not easy, you need investment. Sometimes it’s a burden to have those dreams; to be the best dad, to achieve your goals. But there’s a catharsis too, about accepting life as it is and living one day at a time.

I came to the UK when I was 25 to study film making. Learning how to survive in Britain can make you quite hard. London is lovely an dI’m grateful to live here but there's an issue in Britain. The whole Brexit thing feels like we’ve cut off one leg and I’m wondering, who actually really cares? What was it all about?

I'm from Barbados. As a black person coming from a black majority county, I feel different to a lot of black people here in the UK. I only discovered I was actually black in a very racial sense when I came here. I never used to wake up thinking - oh I’m black. I have a black majority mindset. Although Barbados is a small Island, my upbringing is similar to a white person growing up here in Britain, where white people are the majority. Because I grew up in a majority I grew up confident and strong. 

Sometimes I find black minorities in scenarios similar to those I’ve experienced. They get into arguments which they call racist. I wouldn’s say the those conversations were racist, I’d say - marginalised. I shall explain it like this - in Britain, if you have a house and somebody wants to rent a room, you'll probably give your best room to your own children because they're your children and you want the best for them. You don't mind renting a lesser room, just not your best one. I think that is how minorities are treated here. I think this country doesn’t recognise that Britain is English and Anglo-Saxons put their own first, it's the same with the other countries too. With nationalism the ideal way is to be English, and everyone born here understands that. English people have this idea of what it is to be English but at the same time fighting a more modern idea of what it means to be British. 

I think conversations need to be had with people who’s views you don’t like. I talked to a Nigerian guy yesterday, somethings he said were irritating. I told him he wasn’t making any sense. I think he was insulted but after I hammered home a point, I realised he was quite happy to hold a view that wasn’t logical. Because I don't like what people say doesn’t mean I’m racist. I think many topics haven’t been addressed properly or understood. I think the government and politicians should have meaningful conversations and dialogue with their constituents to address peoples concerns. Sometimes perceptions just aren’t true. 

How do you see yourself? 

Just a human being trying to live life purposefully. I'm a balanced person by nature. I give myself a hard time when it comes to creative deadlines. The rest of the time I probably procrastinate a bit. The truth about creativity is the person who carries the vision is always the hardest worker and it causes stress. 

What do you like about yourself? Do you like you?

I like myself, but I don’t! I think I have some failings. I think I’ve failed a few times and it’s my responsibility and my fault. People say you shouldn't live with regrets. There's some things I wish I didn't do. I like that I'm aware of the things I've done wrong. I’d like a bit more time on earth to do a better job. I’m good at forgiving myself. It’s a Caribbean, laid back thing? I can let things go. When you see the water coming up onto the shore, it’s cleansing, the stress disappears. I’ve seen a lot growing up. My dad would hit my mum. It’s left me with a certain sensibility. I can take a lot but remain calm. 

What do you think about marriage?

Why do people get married? I think marriage is a good thing. I was married. She pushed for divorce. It wasn't the worst break up but I didn't want it. We were together for 7 years. We have a child together. It’s a beautiful thing. I think you have to be ready for marriage. We don't live in a Christian society anymore. Marriage is a Christian thing. Marriage is based on the written word of God, you’re supposed to stay together forever.

I think the question is  - what it's love? I don't think love is butterflies in the stomach, but love needs butterflies in the stomach. Making love, sexual energy is great but that’s not love. I think love is a commitment in the end. An intention to take care of the other person for life. That is love. The other part of love is infatuation. You have to work to keep the romance alive. You need to keep working through and nurturing marriage like a garden. You need to keep watering it. I think if people knew their partners well before they married they probably wouldn’t make the commitment because in the beginning everyone presents a version of themselves.

My mum and dad broke up when I was seven years old. My start in life is from poverty. My family were poor. Sometimes it affects relationships. My dad used to hit my mum so I didn’t like my dad much. We use to fight in later life because he hit my sister too. I can’t remember ever playing with my dad. He was a disciplinarian. I think poor societies have entrenched behaviour. I do love my dad though.

Where does all your energy go? 

Into creativity and social issues. I have lots of ideas that I want to make into film. I write a lot. I voice my opinions of social media. I feel passionately about issues. There's a lot of people making a lot of statements with not a lot of intelligence. I think it’s good to be that person who is willing to have a peaceful conversation amongst the demeaning comments. You should always challenge things but in a respectful way.

Who or what inspires you?

The story of Jesus inspires me. I grew up in the Pentecostal church. I was attracted its energy. I used to go on Sundays with my mum.

Martin Scorsese and Guillermo del Toro inspire me too. Both are good at capturing monsters! Scorsese - human monsters and del Toro - the supernatural. Jimmy Hendrix - I like his spirit. Michael Jackson but was he actually a paedophile? I don’t believe he was. I think he was naive. Bob Marley. Prince. There were rumours about how he treated his ex wife. I think excess wealth and worship can get into your head. I’m glad I wasn’t that successful. Money is the biggest drug.

What do you think about life? 

A chance to find salvation. I want to add value; to my son, my friends and my family. I want people to be better. 

How do you feel about death? 

I don’t believe in death. Why don't you believe in death? Death means the end. Your consciousness stops existing. I don't like that idea. I like to be conscious. I don't like the idea of death. I find it very sad. But I live a good life so there’s a reason to rejoice. Hopefully you come back again. The Christian view is you live a good life and then you get a reward. I like that idea. Hopefully something higher will keep your memory and preserve the consciousness.

What brings you down? 

People from the conquering world have not educated their children as to how their countries came to inherited such wealth and status. There’s a disparity. Minority groups don’t understand that lack of understanding. Maybe because my country was born from slavery and poverty that I inherited that history.

What would you like to leave fir the next generation? 

The importance of loving each other. 

I believe in an economy that's different to capitalism. Capitalism doesn't really encourage love. The issue with capitalism is human nature and greed. We should have an open economy. A socialist construct. Where knowledge, food and education are free. Where the people are free and we all play our part in society. The human race needs a system that supports it. 

How would you best express yourself?

I play guitar. I care for my guitar. I was when I was 16. I was already writing songs then I fell in love with the guitar. I'm a storyteller. I tell stories through composition of music and through my films. Film and music is a graceful way to soften language. 

What did you think about doing this?

I think it’s been very cathartic.