Sometimes it’s the not knowing that’s exciting

Caris 30, from London. Lives with her partner and works full time as a nanny. 

How are you?

Not great actually -  not for any particular reason. I’m just a bit worn down and fed up. It’s a combination of lots of things. I don’t feel my usual self. I’m normally quite positive but not necessarily about myself. I find it difficult to hear my own advice. 

What do you like about yourself?

Saying good things about myself doesn't feel too good.

What are your dreams?

To become a mum.

What brings you down?

I am very hard on myself, I’ve always been like it. If I can’t do my best then I’ve failed. It’s so easy to be positive to others just not to myself.

Where does all your energy go?

I expend too much energy on thinking - it’s unsettling.

What's your most memorable experience?

Loosing my Grandad, I was 15. He was the glue to the family. He was an amazing man. We would sit and chat for hours. He was Jamaican, he had a lot of time for people, he was a real people person. He had many words of wisdom - a natural man.

How do you best express yourself?

I am very tactile, especially with children. I can’t understand why people aren’t. You have to show your feelings to your children. It took me a while to realise my Mum was human - I had never seen her crumble. It’s important for your children to see their parents emotions.

Who or what inspires you?

My Grandad, my Mum and strong women.  We were always taught to be independent. 

What do you think about life?

Life is great, we have to be thankful for being here. There are bad times when I’m fed up and feel down, but then I bounce back. Grab opportunities whilst you can. I love life and enjoy it, there’s lots to look forward to. Sometimes it’s the not knowing that’s exciting. 

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