I’m learning there’s a lot to be said for imperfection

Adam 38. Lives with his partner and is having an existential crisis! Their first baby is on the way…

How are you?

I am at a crossroads. I’d had enough. I’ve been running a couple of pubs for years and it wasn't fulfilling or satisfying anymore so I quit. I’ve had 6 months of not working and it’s getting a bit boring now. There’s the pressure of trying to earn some money now as there’s a baby coming. I am ready for the next stage in life. I want to make a difference. If I ran a plant based cafe or something I’d be making a difference by helping people live a more healthy sustainable life style. I’m being more thoughtful about how I consume and what I do. I used to live on a boat, there was a lovely feeling of community. It’s very important for me to find my community. I’m training to be a personal trainer. I’d like to get people moving a bit more. People are so sedentary. We have evolved away from our wild selves. Our bodies need to move and be nourished properly. I would like to help people in that way. I think I’d get satisfaction from that.

How do you see yourself?

I am probably a bit of a contradiction. I see myself as someone who has evolved and tried. I come across as confident but I’m not really. I’m trying to do the best I can with what I’ve been given but I put a lot of pressure on myself. I don’t know where my need to be perfect came from. My counsellor has been trying to work it out. For some reason I feel I have to be the best. I’m learning there’s a lot to be said for imperfection.

How do you think other people see you?

A bit of a dick on varying different levels.

What do you think about marriage?

We don’t believe in it. We are going to have a civil partnership now they’re legal. Whether we are married or not doesn't make any different to us. Why should we go through all that when we are going to spend our lives together? We will be partners. We don’t believe in wasting £30,000 on a day. Maybe we might regret that when we are older.

What do you think about children?

I’d like to have been a dad in my twenties but let’s face it you’re not thinking much more than sex, booze and work in your 20s. For all I know I might have a child out there, somewhere.

Everyone has doubts growing up. Home was a safe place. Not anymore. Social media shows everyone’s ‘perfect’ lives. People wake up first thing and get on their phones. There are micro stresses before you’ve even got downstairs. It’s no wonder we are an anxious society.

I guess now is the time when I wonder how I will parent. I guess you have to hope your inbuilt moral compass will guide you. We’d like one for now - what with climate change and everything. Maybe we’ll adopt the second?

What are your dreams, what makes you tick?

At the moment it’s finding contentment in life. To have peace of mind and for everything to be as it should be. Being happy at work, living somewhere I enjoy living. I want the best of both worlds. The buzz of the city but with a seaside vibe too. Just to enjoy the daily routine of life. I just want enough money to be comfortable, to go on holidays when we want to, to donate to charity. Success and contentment are two very different things.

What do you think about life?

What are we doing here? I guess we are here to form relationships and experience as much as you can in the time you’ve got and try not to hurt people. We are here to procreate and keep the human race going. If you can make a difference in someones life then - lucky you! We should all just be able to get by. Everyone should have enough. It’s not our fault it’s the people who run the countries.

What do you think about death?

Something will get you! It always used to scare the shit out of me. It’s a FOMO (fear of missing out) - life going on and you’re not there.

What brings you down?

Not being fulfilled gets on top of me. Not living up to my own expectations brings me down.

What do you think about faith?

I think it’s great to have faith. I think everyone needs to believe in something - whether it’s Veganism or whatever. I don’t believe in a deity. I think faith is a very nice idea. It’s too easy to palm things off on faith. Too easy not to explore your own feelings and hide behind a faith. Everyone needs to believe in something. I don’t even mind the Jehovah Witness’s. Faith isn’t for me - it’s not my cup of tea. The most important faith is in humanity.

How do you best express yourself?

I don’t think I’ve achieved my best form of expression yet.

What have you taken from today?

It’s always great to have conversations. It’s been quite nice answering questions. An interesting process. It’s nice to hear things out loud. I am pretty self aware. Sometimes saying things out loud reinforces things. I have counselling so these questions aren’t scary to me. I think when you have in depth conversations you’re always gong to learn something. People are social creatures. People need connection.