I’m someone who’s always got time for pudding

Dave 38. Married with two kids, from Yorkshire. A Digital Learning Technology Advisor - it’s technical! 

How are you?

Generally I am content. During lockdown I’ve started to put on weight for the first time in my life. My wife and the kids have done loads of baking. I've never had to think about what I eat before. I’m someone who’s always got time for pudding. I’ve been fed freshly baked flapjacks, rocky road and chocolate brownies. I’ve had to start watching my weight and consciously having to exercise more!

How do you see yourself?

Optimistic. Laid back. Friendly, easy going. I’m happy to go with the flow. I used to read the Sunday papers every week. Page after page and Private Eye too. I let the world get under my skin. I don’t do that anymore. I maybe suffer with anxiety and had to find ways of lettings things go. 

I think anxiety used to stop me achieving things. For example I’m terrible at taking exams. In conversation or demonstrating knowledge, I’m fine but put me in an exam situation and I'd never complete the paper. I’d confuse myself trying to work out what they actually wanted from me. Overthinking it, trying to make sure I’d got it right. I'd get pedantic if the wording wasn’t quite right or if there was something  which could be interpreted in different way. I’d worry and end up not finishing it. 

When my diary gets full of places I need to be and things I need to do, it overwhelms me. I'm very singular task orientated. I like routine. There’s little time for my friends. I'd always make time if someone calls round or phones me but I’m terrible at calling them. I have friends from years ago that if I saw tomorrow I’d be over the moon. I often think about them but I don't get in touch. Finding time to phone someone when there's so much to juggle and balance is tricky.

What are your dreams?

When I was young probably being a Formula One racing driver. I always wished that I could have done that. I felt aggrieved in the school playground that it was all football, football, football. They could practise every lunch time.  There was nothing for the eager racing driver.

I've never known what I want to do with life. It would have been nice to have been a professional photographer or to do something with my degree which was in electronic imaging and media communications. We did broadcasting and stuff like that. To work in that field would have meant moving to London or another big city, I didn’t want that. I liked living where I am, I like being in the country. I didn't make that sacrifice. I didn't chase jobs in those locations. I didn't have the desire to move but I would love to have worked in that field. I went for job security. My dreams are boring ‘dad’ dreams, to pay off my mortgage and my student overdraft!

Who or what inspires you?

As a kid I’d watch TV back when there was only 4 channels. I’d watch all the black and whites, war films and westerns. I wasn’t put off by the age of the film. I’ll watch anything, good, bad, or indifferent. Once the story starts you’ve got to find out what happens. Who knows, it might get better? There's a level that a bad film gets to where it becomes really enjoyable. 

I am a big fan of films. I listen to film podcasts. I get a film magazine subscription. I know all about the new films coming out and what people’s thoughts are on them, yet I only go to the cinema twice a year. What’s the fascination? It’s all the love and passion that goes into making films. You’re watching something that’s been created by someone with a fantastic imagination. I love the storytelling, seeing all that creativity. Technically, the cinematography, even the way a film opens. There’s the visuals and the sheer amount of people who work on them. It opens worlds for me. If a picture says a thousand words, and you're watching a film with 24 pictures per second, you’re taking on a lot of information. 

I don't consider myself to have a very good imagination. If I’m reading a book and it's beautifully described it, I’ll only be able to frame a tiny portion of it in my mind. I can't hold it in my imagination. I can't take myself to being in that scale of place. I'm better at processing films. Books are better for your imagination but for me they limit mine. I'm a slow reader. I used to struggle to engage with books. Although recently I’ve started reading again. 

I got told so many times that once you’d read the book, you’d never be happy with the film. I was always happy with the film. Films are like whiskey, it’s a mood thing. Films take me on a journey. I get lost in a film. I like to be in the right mood for certain films. A sad film will make me sad. I am a fan of the escapism. I watch things to escape, not to have reality driven home.

What are your favourite films? My favourite black and white is the The Seventh Samurai. My favourite all time film is The Blues Brothers, or Lord of the Rings. Then there’s Schindlers List!  How much is the film and how much is the subject matter?

What do you think about the weather?

I enjoy the seasons. I've always been a fan of winter. I’m not someone that chases the weather forecast. I have a good old stare when I open the curtains. There’s nothing better than getting home after being caught in a really heavy rain storm. I get worried if it's been too wet for too long and worried if it's been too hot for too long.  I like looking at the clouds. The clouds are familiar and also unique.

What do think about life?

We like to categorize, box and frame things to make sense of life. I think, wonderfully -  it all, just is. All the science is absolutely bang on but it’s all born out of the happy coincidences of the entire journey. The scale and size of it all is phenomenal. We’ve only been round for the last second. Any species that was alive two seconds ago, no one will ever know about them. The fact that there is possibility of life on other planets, seeing all those planets so far away. The light coming from them means we are actually looking at something that's thousands of years old - history. If you could see someone waving, they’d have died thousands of  years ago. It boggles the mind in a wonderful way. 

It’s crazy that we don’t follow that science now. If you look at it spiritually then everyone gets something from it. There are people too focused on being right, in a scientific sense. Ultimately science will explain everything, but it's arrogant to think we've even scratched the surface of what science will tell us. Saying that, science proves there's nothing more than what we are, but why do some people see ghosts? These subjects tend to get jumbled together with religion along with everything else as being nonsense but I think there is a lot of science in there waiting to be discovered.

Before we invented electricity, if somebody came up with electricity as a mental concept, science would prove it’s complete bunkum, that it doesn't exist. But when we discovered electricity, science shows that yes, electricity exists. So it's naive to think that the amount of time we've been on the planet, understanding science, and trying to make sense of the world, when there is so much more to uncover.

We have to be completely accepting. A lot of people get a lot of love, strength and belonging through religion. The joy, solace and peace that it brings. That's a wonderful thing. And I think it's mean for people to poopoo it. We are complex. We are very keen on being right. Let people get on with what they want to get on with as long as it's not harmful to others.

How'd you feel about death?

At the moment it doesn't frighten me. I’ve thought about it. It’s sad but not scary. I don't want to live forever but a while would be nice. Getting my pension would be nice. I definitely don't want to go before my time. I don’t have a fear of death, but I do fear cancer. I would like it to be far away. I think the best way to think of death is summed up by Terry Pratchett. If you've ever read MORT, I think it has a really wonderful unique take and philosophy on death. Once I read it I changed the way I viewed death. 

What brings you down?

People being upset will get me down very quickly. Would you say you're quite empathic? You could say I’m quite needy, I get my energy from others. If there's nobody around or I'm with a group of people low on energy then I tend to feel low too. I enjoy being with other people but being around an argument even if it doesn't involve me can crush me straight away.  If I get emotionally hooked that raises my anxiety and I feel terrible. The way we live, with social media and information over load, we are still working out how to navigate that connectivity. It's precious and dangerous at the same time. To look after myself I have to remove myself from stressful situations otherwise it  makes me cross and sad.

What are your views on faith? 

I'm optimistic that people will do the right thing and make the right choices. Everything will be ok. When faith is lost, hope is lost.

How do I express myself?

I like to dance. Dancing with friends is a great thing. I've got weird philosophies on dancing. I like it when people dance. I feel like the purpose and reason for dancing is removed when there are a set of rules as to what beauty looks like. I struggle with the ballet. People love the ballet, it can bring them to tears to see such beauty but for me it's like seeing a caged bird or a lion in a circus. It is amazing, beautiful and the people performing want to, but I see the mechanics of it.  Dancing is doing what you want.

Once I became a parent, I became a ‘dad’ dancer over night. I can’t dance for toffee. I never learned to dance. If you learn to dance there’s no freedom of expression. People either don’t dance, shuffle around or, have to be on the other side of a few pints. I've always enjoyed a dance and I love music but there’s only so much time in the day. Given a spare hour, do I take the time to listen to music, dance or watch a film? 

What do you think about doing this today? 

I’ve learned a lot today. Not just about me but about you too. It's odd knowing that the conversation is about me. It was interesting and a new experience. I felt as time went on I could have answered the first questions better.  I'm very pleased my wife thought to put my name forward. Conversations restore faith.