I spend all day in really uncomfortable positions

Luke 26. From Sussex. Single. A tree surgeon

How are you? 

A year ago I had a fairly loose idea of what I was going to do for the foreseeable future. I had a steady job in farming and a house that came with it. I got bored. I got into tree surgery for the sake of variety, then broke up with my girlfriend of three and a half years. It’s all chaos when things change isn’t it? 

It wasn't a very stable relationship because she travelled all the time with her job and I worked lots of hours. It was fairly stressful. I guess it's quite liberating not having all those things anymore. I now only have myself to worry about. When I worked lots of hours I had money but no free time, now I have more time but not much money. I’m now renting a place on my own, which is expensive.

I guess life up to now has been about ticking boxes and figuring out what I don't want. I've had big ups and downs over the last six years. I’m getting used to not being as happy as I was when I was a kid. After 10 years of independence, you realise everything isn’t all gravy.

When I was about 22 I started getting anxiety. I don’t know where it came from. I can't put my finger on it. I was working on a farm down in Swindon. I think a lot of it was season related. It was Winter, the weather was shitty. I started feeling morose about things. My relationship was a bit challenging. I had anxiety and depression for a while. I managed to sort it out myself but it was bad for three months. I learned how to deal with it. It's knowing what the triggers are.

Depression and anxiety are common now. Growing up, I can't remember any of my friends ever being unhappy. All of my childhood was spent fucking about in the woods with my mates. Riding bikes, being kids. We are the last generation to do that; making dens, being boys. Then we finished school, went to uni then had to find something to do for the rest of our lives. Life gets a bit more challenging, doesn’t it? 

I've got a long CV for someone who's not very old. I think it makes me look flaky. It means I haven't stuck at anything for longer than a year or so. I’ve been thinking and trying to decided on the type of environment I want to work in. It’s got be outdoors and enough work to keep me interested. I can’t stand bureaucracy and I hate doing risk assessments. I think the reason I’ve never specialised is I have a short attention span. 

When we do the big scary tree stuff, I love it. You have to be very aware of what you’re doing. You have to be in the moment, mindful and present. Tree surgery is good for that. It’s dangerous, you have to stay focused. I like chainsaws and heavy machinery but it puts some serious hours on your body. Hanging around in a harness for hours on end, it knackers you. I spend all day in really uncomfortable positions. There’s a thing called OPM (Oak processionary moths) it's a type of Caterpillar that lives in oak trees. The hairs are really irritating to the skin and they shed them. We have to go and collect them from people's gardens. I’m covered in rashes and hives.

How do you see yourself?

I've always been independent. I like not being reliant on other people. I have a keen interest in the mundane aspects of life; like walking in nature and not being materialistic. I drive a shit car and I don't have any money. I don't have nice clothes. I’m not into any of that stuff. Fundamentally I have wholesome beliefs. I don’t need external stuff to make me happy. I’m pretty comfortable without money and being on my own. Last year after breaking up with my ex, rather than jumping straight into something new  I spent most of the time on my own. Initially it was weird, a bit shit but I'm in the right place now. I have all my mates are around me. You keep learning stuff about yourself, don’t you?  When I was 21, I was like; I’m a bloke, I’m the man. I can deal with everything. But you cant. You get to 26 and you're like, ‘Oh right, so this is still new to me, this is different’. I'm sure it happens like that forever.

How do you think other people see you?

People that know me see me as a happy go lucky person. Because I'm not particularly money-motivated or materialistic, certain people probably think - ‘he drives a shit car, he's obviously not doing very well’. As if that's any measurement of how your life's going! 

I try to be a good person. I’m not blowing my own trumpet. People say I’m funny and a good laugh. I think people see me as unique. My outlook is quite different to my contemporaries. People find it weird because I like doing stuff on my own. I go on long bike rides for hours on end. Sometimes up to 120 miles, I’m out for 10 hours or more. I just cruise around thinking about stuff, it’s good head space.

What do you think about marriage?

It's something I can see myself doing at some point. It's quite antiquated. Traditionally it can set people up to be in a vulnerable position as far as like money's and breakups are concerned. It’s expensive. There’s a massive pressure to have a big Gucci wedding. My mum was married at 22 with two kids. I don’t know what I was doing at 22, probably having a good time somewhere. I'm nowhere near marriage at the moment. I'm single. I've just come out of a longterm relationship where I thought that would be the progression, but it wasn’t. 

The idea of marriage stresses me out. I've had two longterm relationships. In the end those people were different to what I thought they were. My lasting memory is negative. That puts more pressure on me being a good judge of character and finding the right person that I want to get married to. I think it's much easier and less frowned upon these days to get divorced but I hate the idea of divorce. I’d consider getting divorced as a bit of a fuck up or failure.

Where does all your energy go?

I think a lot of it goes into work. I've got a high capacity for a lot of work. I need to do a lot to feel like I've done something and been physical. The worst thought about being in lockdown was what would I do all day?  What can I do to exhaust myself in the day? I relax more if I’ve done a good days work and some exercise. I try to be positive because I got into a habitual pattern of being negative about everything. The first time I noticed it I thought I was just a negative person. All of a sudden things started to annoyed me. Normal, everyday things and it took all my metal energy. I’d get frustrated. It was all consuming. 

I know when I get in that pattern, I know what to do. I don’t have certain conversations with certain people and I skirt around the edges. I’ve realised when you’re unhappy it’s just your brain making you unhappy. It's not real stuff. I’m quite good with uncomfortable feelings now.  Like being cold, I just feel it. It's just a feeling. I'm pretty good at switching into another bit in my brain. 

Who or what inspires you? 

My Gran. She's 85 and was divorced at 30. She’s lived on her own ever since and blissfully happy. She's got horses and still mucks them out. She's really good company. She's insightful and funny.  She’s the perfect example of what people could be like at 85. She’s religious, a church warden and does lots in the community. She's got  things that keep her motivated. She’s brilliant and everybody loves her. She's fantastic. 

What do you think about the weather?

I love the weather. I like that we get a variety in the UK. I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be than in the UK, in a pub garden when it's 27 degrees. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else on the planet. I like that it changes from one week to the next. I've love a frosty morning. I like that in the summer we get another 10 hours of day light, short nights in the summer and long nights in the winter. 

How do you feel about death? 

I feel like it's coming. When you're a kid thinking about death is daunting and overwhelming. I remember when I was a toddler, I’d get upset thinking about my mum and dad dying. The older you get your priorities change. I think you become more accepting. You get more used to the idea the older you get. My Gran speaks about dying, it comes up in our conversations but she doesn’t make a big deal out of it. If someone said I had six months to live, obviously I’d be very upset but I think I’d get into the zone, making sure I enjoyed everything I did. I want to try to be more in the moment. There’s many times at work when I’ll be climbing a really big tree and never look at the view. Now I make a point of looking. 

What would you like to leave for the next generation? 

For the world to be a lot less volatile. We’ve had the coldest spring on record, the hottest spring on record and the wettest spring on record in three consecutive years. It’s not a very happy environment, is it? The planet needs to be more neutral and stable in that respect. I’d like to leave a good set of morals and enough assets for them to be comfortable. Not filthy rich. That's the thing that bums me out, I could afford to pay a mortgage, but I don't have 25 grand to put down as a deposit. Be nice!

What do you think about doing this?

I think it's a really nice idea. It's probably more beneficial for people who don’t talk much. Talking comes naturally to me. I didn't have to think twice about saying yes when you asked me. It’s not out of my comfort zone either. I would imagine it's really enjoyable for you too. I think I’d enjoy listening to all these people.